Shopping Cart
Your Cart is Empty
There was an error with PayPalClick here to try again
CelebrateThank you for your business!You should be receiving an order confirmation from Paypal shortly.Exit Shopping Cart

my thoughts.12:

(02 Oct 2011 - 14 Oct 2011)

*a place to say what's on my mind,

and in my heart...

02 Oct 2011

good morning my friends. it's 4:45a sunday morning,

and I am just finishing up my 3rd cup of dunkin' and thought I would do a quickie update.

we will be on the road within the hour back to the LA area;

I figure about 8-9 hours to get back home,

depending on traffic of course.

all in all had a wonderful time with Ash,

she is such a cool kid.

even the 'nature hike' we endured a couple days ago doesn't appear as toxic now as it did during our participation.

my calfs are still rather tender though.

we took a boat ride yesterday on the lake,

didn't toss a line in, but still the lake was so

peaceful and serene.

we hardly touched the food that was specifically prepared for our trip; no worries though, absolutely none

will go to waste.

hey, let me just mention something here and then

I have to get my rear in gear.

I'm not that into these chat rooms, virtual worlds or even the 'net' dating services (I've tried a few);

but one specific site that I literally stumbled upon a couple months ago (which will go un-named) has kept my attention for a variety of reasons. I have indeed 'had contact' with a few women (so they say they are) and just basically use this site as a break from the norm every now and then and never really expected anything from it what-so-ever.

but recently I 'met' someone who has not only 'sparked' my interest buttons, but 'appears' to be a beautiful soul with alot on her mind. she has her own web-page that I have read over; I find her to be quite intreguing and also

disturbing at the same time.

her lifestyle is her own, and doesn't mind telling anyone who will listen what exactly her opinion is.

and apparently doesn't give a damn what anybody

thinks of her. this woman is a genius, trust me on this.

and appart from the fact I will never meet, or even talk to this woman, or that she is 27yrs of age and has different views on a wide variety of subjects;

this is a woman I could love for all of eternity.

there is just something about her that makes me 'feel' something that I haven't felt for a long time.

so with that being said; I now can totally understand the emails and letters I have received from some of you expressing your undying love and admiration for me.

I no longer think of you as crazy.

ah, the times we live upon now has transformed us into beings that 'meet', and have relationships with each other without ever even looking into the other's eyes.

I miss the old days.

ok, I gotta go walk the siberians and wake my kid.

long driving day ahead of me.

I'll check-in tonite.


it's barely 9:30p and I'm trying to keep my eyes open to write this up tonite.

we made it back all safe and sound around 5p;

taking a couple breaks for lunch/chili's,

walking the siberians twice, and stopping at a gift shop just outside of jackson, ca.

Ash wanted to get some momento's from this gift shop she read about in one of her travel guides

she has in her collection.

a benefit of traveling solo is you only stop when you want to, not every time something 'cool' is spotted

along the roadway by my co-pilot.

but... it really is nice to have the chatter box with me,

she definitely keeps me on my toes at all times.

so upon arriving back here to the house,

we visited with the grandparents for a while,

played with the pupz we left here, and had a huge mexican spread for dinner that we had not eaten on our trip.

my daughter went to bed over an hour ago,

she is just as exhasted as I.

plus she has to get up at 5:30a to get ready for school.

as for myself tomorrow;

I heard thru 'twitter' this weekend that an animal shelter is currently in dire straights and unless donations are made immediately, they will have to shut down and euthanize many homeless innocent pets.

that totally breaks my heart, so I plan on making a sizeable 'gift' to the shelter. I normally do not ask for anything from you guys, but if you can give anything at all,

here is their contact info:

hudson valley spca, orange county, ny #845.564.6810

no worries if you can't afford to give, everyone has their own priorities and monetary shortfalls these days.

I just told this 'person' on twitter I would do something to help and pass on the word. so be it.

alright that is about it for now.

I did receive a request from a fan of this site/follower on twitter today though; (busy twitter weekend eh?)

earlier this evening we all were watching

'an officer and a gentleman' on epix and I tweeted it.

almost immediately I received a direct message asking me if I could call this woman's son and talk to him before he goes into marine corps bootcamp next month and give

him a little insight on what to expect.

I told her I would rather 'publish' something on this site first, and then answer his questions after he reads what I had written. so I will be doing that within the next day or two. hey, if I can help a young man survive what plans to be 'hell on earth', than I shall. somethings have changed since I was at mcrd san diego in the early 80's; but I think the advice I have to share will possibly help out a little.

ok, it's nearly 10p and I am barely awake,

having to retype my mistakes. going to bed now... 

04 Oct 2011

good evening my friends.

before I begin, I would really just like to thank those of you who gave to the hudson valley spca; they called me back to thank me for spreading the word

to my readers. you guys are the greatest ever...

so I kinda have alot to post tonite,

so let me jump right in; yesterday was as just as normal that could be expected for a monday. I did my early morning chores and played with the horses for a bit.

*never really been a 'horse guy' but my mare, jilley 'jill for short' is such a loving little girl. she loves to nuzzle me when I come to give them their morning treats,

and thinks that tipping the wheelbarrow over with her nose is a daily mandatory act she must accomplish while I am shoveling their poop-piles. and today after I wheeled the barrow out of their area, jill felt like running circles around me, which kinda scared me abit. but I stayed there with her and jack and continued to wave my arms and stomp as they continued running. a 'little' nerve racking considering these huge animals could just destroy me.

so after my 'horse-play' (sorry, couldn't resist), I went and worked-out for the 1st time at the gym I joined here in agoura hills over 4 months ago. OMG!!!

I have never experienced such egotistical, over-bearing and just plain obnoxious people at the gym before.

not only were some of the steriod-junkies just rude,

everyone appears to be so absorbed with themselves at all times; must be a southern california thing.

I actually have a really nice home gym area with a variety of work-out stations, weights, treadmills, and so on.

I just thought it would be nice to join a local gym to try and make friends/contacts/acquaintances or whatever.

I guess I assumed wrong. I am not a fan of snobby assholes, and won't pay money to be associated with such.

so, after my work-out, I came home and used my steam room, and then showered here.

the remainder of the day was usual business;

picked Ash up from school, meatloaf for dinner, made an ice cream run, walked the herd, then crashed.

today was a little different; chores, played a round of golf at a local course with a retired neighbor (82/35putts), picked Ash up w/5 friends attached, drove everyone home,

made a grocery run twice

(sour cream and avacados were forgotten the 1st time), grandma and Ash made homemade beef tacos, blackbean casserole, cheese enchiladas, avacado salad.

outstanding dinner on national taco day.

after answering a few of your emails and laughing at some of your 'life moments', I've come to realize I'm not alone in the klutz catagory, or the 'where is my future spouse hiding' class. and now I'm up-dating and trying to determine exactly what I want to include in my usmc boot camp survival guide. you know, it's been exactly 30yrs next month since I was in marine camp, but I can recall certain instances as if

they just happened this afternoon.

and apparently, alot has changed in the years since I have opted out of the corps. so with that being said,

I will give a rundown of what I went thru.

and what you should be expecting in marine corps boot camp: the first thing you need to be aware of,

is you are training to be a 'ground fighting machine'.

no matter what your mos (military occupational skill) is going to be, you are an 0300 first, general infantry.

in marine corps terms; a grunt.

with that being said, be prepaired to walk (march) in formation everywhere, you will run many, many, miles while you are in basic training. and wherever you go;

the chow hall, obstacle courses, academics (yes, you have classes inside), rifle range, pt (physical training),

or whatever; you will wait.

the marine corps motto is 'semper fidelis' which is latin for 'always faithful' (your corps, your country, your family),

but it should mean; hurry-up and wait'!

your entire marine corps career will consist of hurry-up, hurry-up, get there and wait!!! seriously.

besides walking/running your asses off, another 'heads-up' piece of advice; DO NOT VOLUNTEER FOR ANYTHING!

no matter what you've been told, you will make it harder on yourself if you constantly raise your hand when your sdi (senior drill instructor) or any other smokey wearing marine asks a 'recruit' (that is your title in boot; recruit 'jones') to volunteer. it's best if you just try to blend in and get thru this whole ordeal without bringing attention to yourself.

now as far as I was concerned; having the last name of 'kiss' in recruit training was not that beneficial as it was in high school. recruit kiss was constantly called upon for all kinds of shit duties: field-days (cleaning) the head (bathrooms), whisky locker (linens), road guards (crossing guards),

and other assorted thankless chores.

was it my uniquely charismatic last name? my obvious lack of military bearing? being the youngest in the entire regiment? or just because my instructors were displeased

with my lack of shooting ability?

(the standard at which all marines are measured)

a marine who can't hit a body coming towards him/her

is a dead marine, a useless marine. yes, I failed rifle range class along with 42 other recruits out of my battalion, which put us in remedial training for the following week.

I didn't win any friends in training at that point,

as 'everything' in bootcamp is a competition. everything. marching, pt, barrack/clothing/footlocker inspection, marksmanship, and so on.

my platoon came in last in everything,

except for the final pft (physical fitness test).

we had some serious athletes.

*I took many marksmanship classes after boot,

some military, some civilian and upon my resignation from the corps; was a 4th award expert w/the rifle,

and 3rd award expert w/the pistol.

my introduction to boot camp began at 1am when we arrived at the base on a bus from san diego airport.

everyone on the bus was laffing, and just acting like kids

(we were). when the bus stopped on base, 2 drill instructors got onboard and started screaming at us to get off the bus and stand on the yellow footprints.

lots of screaming, lots of yelling, lots of intimidation.

you file in to waiting barber chairs to get your head shaved, mostly for sanitary issues, but also to make everyone equal and change you from civilian to recruit. 'right of passage'.

after the shave, you get your clothing, boots, tennis shoes. you are then divided up into your training platoons and given to your receiving barracks trainer.

this is the calm before the storm.

the day you meet your drill instructors will be a day you remember for the rest of your life; shock value.

be prepaired for yelling, screaming in your face, mind games (doing things that make absolutely no sence)

and most of all, expect the unexpected. everyone will pull barracks duty, night watch, and be punished one way or another. even if you are the most squared-away individual, you will be punished for something; push-ups, bends thrusts, arms outstretched with your weapon, feet 6'' off the deck. remember that the d.i.'s job is to break you down, physically and mentally; and then bring you back up the marine corps way.

I could go on and on, but this tid-bit of info should

at least help. a very realistic hollywood movie of bootcamp is 'full metal jacket', watch it and take note.

and yes, my drill sergeant hit me once in boot camp.

I'd rather not touch on this though.

also, since I graduated boot, there is something called

'the crucible' that is done in training. I only know what I've read on the net, so will not discuss from lack of knowledge.

ok guys, gene simmons is on in 15min, so I'm going to end this. take care, and I appreciate you all... 

06 Oct 2011

good morning kids, and old people...

from the emails I have received during the duration of the life of this web-site, I've noticed that most, or nearly all of you are 5-15yrs younger than I, or 10-40yrs older than I. maybe a dozen or so of you are my age or close to. I'm not sure what that means, but just thought I would mention it. so listen, I have a personal rant I'm going to start out with this morning (7a) before I get into the mindless babble I normally bore you all with:

today is thursday, October 6th, 2011;

the 279th day of the year.

which by all accounts is just 'thursday' in

another work week.

but this day is the 65th birthday of the woman who

gave me life 17,483 days ago.

and I have not spoke with or had contact with her since August 8, 1999; 12 years, 1 month, 28 days ago.

(the reason was mentioned in an earlier posting)

normally I will post birthday well wishes to people I've never even met, and occasionally to people I have.

but today, I will not wish my mother a happy birthday.

so maybe that means I'm a terrible son, so be it.

I have been told she reads this site on a semi-regular basis, and comments to anyone who will listen about my

current life moments. I don't care.

and that's all I have to say about that.

so let the mindless chit-chat begin;


good afternoon; early evening... whatever.

it's nearly 4:30p and I have had quite a busy day so far.

I had to take care of some personal issues this morning,

and actually learned how to properly tell

someone 'no' I'm not interested.

and to think I've been doing it wrong my whole life.

I had a meeting today with my daughter's high school guidance counselor this afternoon; apparently, within a month of her going to classes (20 days exactly),

this woman decided that maybe Ash would be better

off skipping 10th grade and going into 11th.

saying her grade scores appear to be extremely superior

of the rest of her classmates.

how she can make that determination after such a short time period is beyond me. I realize she has her certificate for 'grade 10 in the australian school system'. but I still want her to 'adjust' to american school and take things slowly.

if she is near, or currently at the top of her class,

then I say 'great, why mess with a good thing'.

I said 'no' to the counselors request.

but did say I would talk to my daughter about it.

then the counselor 'bitch' had Ash come into her office and asked her personally if she wished to skip a grade.

poor kid didn't know what to say; she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said she didn't want to because she has already made friends in her grad-class.

then the 'bitch' nearly interupted my daughter's response saying 'you will make new friends'.

as Ash looked at me I immediately stood up and stated 'that's it, she stays in grade 10'; we then proceeded to walk out of the administration area, got my daughter's things from her locker, and left the school.

how dare that f'ing woman put my child on the spot like that, making her think she was going to get into trouble if she didn't agree to move ahead.

I will be visiting the principles office tomorrow to discuss the counselor's demeanor and her obivious shitty tactics. don't try to strong arm my little girl,

or I will go all kiss-monster on your ass!!!

(my dad was the original kiss-monster) so we get home, she's fine after we talked in the car, and now she tells me she is having her girlfriends from cheer-squad come over to study for some tests tomorrow. no prob.

so they are all (6 of them) currently in the kitchen right now, and I have to say I'm not really quite sure how much studying they really are doing.

I hear alot of music and giggling going on.

no worries,

part of being a kid is having fun w/your friends.

ok, I was just 'asked' if the girls can stay for dinner,

my reply to the question: what are we having? and she just flashed her billion dollar smile and said/asked, pizza?

so I will stop doing this now, and go get some pizza,

which sounds very good tonite.

canadian bacon, pinapple, extra sauce for me. later.


well shit, and I was having such a semi-good day.

I received a twitter message from someone claiming to be my mother asking me what my friggin problem was.

an apparent reply to my post earlier today.

actually, I'm pretty sure it was her.

I made a comment back, but later deleted it and just blocked her from my followers.

*really, you want me to vent and tell you what

my 'friggin problem' is?

you ignored me for 12yrs,

do me a favor and ignore me another 12.

why you (or your spies up in vegas/pahrump) even care what I write here is beyond me.

did you care that I cried for hours after calling you to invite you to my wedding, and once again you had a sloppy answer in stating the reason you couldn't attend? no!

you had a daughter-in-law and a step-grand-daughter for many years.

did you care then?, no!

did you care when my dog and I lived in my 4runner for nearly 4 months? no!

did you care enough to maybe even notify me that my grandmother was sick & dying? no!

did you send me a goddamn note telling me she had died

on may 1st, 2004? no!

so what's changed?

you pissed that I say things here that you don't approve of? so fucking what; none of my readers here know who you are, and probably don't even give a shit.

so let's just not do this.

I promise to never, ever make a reference to you ever again. and you, just leave me and especially my daughter alone.

don't piss me off, you won't like me when I'm pissed off...

I've changed since you last knew me,

I really don't give a shit what people think of me any longer. nor, am I soft-spoken, shy and submissive.

I took a chance, and it paid off.

if it is the money I owe you from years back,

then send me a bill via email or snail-mail to either of my mailing addresses. and I will re-imburse you.

so be it, I'm done. I need a fucking drink!!! 

08 Oct 2011

good 'chilly' morning from the hills here

in southern california.

it's just past 6:30a, and 44' outside.

so listen up, I've received numerous emails from alot of you concerning my entries dated 06 Oct.

as I stated above, 'I'm done'; and another thing,

don't judge someone unless you know all the facts

and have been in his/her shoes.

alot of history and drama I would just rather not have

as a part of my life.

I have my own family now, my life is what I have created it to be; and I am content. so, are we clear? alrighty then.

today being a saturday in early autumn means 'college football'; and normally I would be as excited as a 5 year old on christmas morning. 'normally'...

the current regression of the football program at ucla has made today just another brisk saturday in october.

yes I'm a fan, a HUGE fan; but it's so disappointing knowing your entire season is over before it really has begun.

I blame the coach, his entire staff, the athletic director,

the board of directors and everyone else who has done this to what had been once a proud and strong program.

I do not blame the players, why not you ask?;

because they are playing to the best of their ability.

it's not their fault if their talent/skills are not superior to

that of the teams they play.

I love my team, will always cheer for my team;

they just are not that good.

ok, enuff negativity. I know I have alot of bruin fans who read this site, and don't feel like having 'pissed-off' emails clutter my inbox. the 'neuheisel cancer' needs to be eliminated before the team will ever win again.

we had a proven winner and knowledgeable coach on staff just last season; but 'the cancer' didn't 'like' him,

as he was a much better coach than 'the cancer'.

so coach norman chow was terminated.

mark my words, that decision will haunt ucla football

for many years.

with all that being said; I have to ready 'the rig' for the

game this evening.

my daughter spent the nite with girlfriends (slumber party), her grandparents are in san diego for a couple days;

it was just me here last nite. of course I had the four-legged creatures keeping me company.

so knowing I was going to be 'a loner' last night,

I decided to go out and about for a while.

I ended up at 'the grove' shopping area, and had some what of a dinner at the cheesecake factory; a couple different appitizers, and quite a few drafts.

happy hour there is pretty funny, alot wanna-be hook-ups going on right in front of your eyes.

a group of ladies/girls were sitting nearby at one point and tried to let me know a couple of them were interested.

by the time the pretty hispanic girl got the nerve up to approach my table and ask me to join them, it was time for me to leave and go see a movie. I did buy them a round of drinks as I readied myself to depart. *hey ladies, if you are interested in someone, don't just sit there and giggle and whisper amoung your friends as you are staring at the guy that could change your life. get off your ass, and go get him. anyway, maybe I shoulda stayed at the cheesecake factory, who knows what trouble I could have gotten into.

ie: the movie, real steel was a real dud.

to much fluff, not enough tough!

so after the movie, I braved the LA friday nite traffic and came straight home to my kidz.

I ended the night by sitting in my backyard area,

having a scotch and just enjoying the sights/sounds

of a quiet night alone.

as quiet and serene as my evening was here, today promises not to be anything close to that. my child is bringing her entire slumber party group to the game (will meet them there), and the palacios godfather is promising a huge turnout as well. so even if the game is a complete catastrophe, we will be having a hellava party.

have already purchased 25 general admission tickets

grouped together.

ok, I've gotta go. fuel the rig, groceries, and so forth.

happy saturday everyone.  

09 Oct 2011

good morning from the driveway of the mexi-godfather.

yes, I am once again in this little quaint neighborhood located in west covina, ca.

yesterday was definitely 'one for the books'.

not to bore you with a timeline of events,

I will just briefly touch the highlights;

huge tail-gater, 50+ people showed.

we totally ran out of 'all' beer.

the trash can ice bucket got 'yak'd into.

grandma palacios' mexican feast was a hit.

my kid needs to wear more age appropriate clothing.

I drank... alot.

my hangover/crabbiness began in the 3rd quarter.

the ucla bruins won.

the stanford cardinals won. (this is for ADH)

I was awaken this morn by the godfather w/mexi-coffee.

I will be wearing jeans and a pink polo to church today.

I am very hungry right now.

my daughter went back to agoura hills w/her girlfriends.

I will probably never get remarried...... ever.

(this last tid-bit will be 'touched-on' @ a later time)

ok, I've gotta start to get ready. happy sunday everyone.


good evening everyone.

I had quite a busy day considering the fact I had absolutely nothing planned in advance. so after catholic worship today (I have no current religious status established)

I enjoyed another beautiful mexican buffet at the home of mr & mrs palacios, as did another 30+ people.

no alcohol for me tho, as I still had to drive back home in the rig, and then go get my kid from her over-night stay.

after lunch and a couple games of dominos,

I head back here to my house.

my petz were so happy to see their daddy,

and their baby-sitter was given a ride home in the rig.

(he had never ridden in an rv before)

who was my baby-sitter you ask? that is confidential info.

so since I was back out on the streets with my rv & had the dogs/cats, I picked up Ash from her overnighter.

she said she was embarrassed because of this.oops!

alright, we get back home after picking up some kfc,

and lo-and behold, her grandparents are here.

I love these auzzie-oldies.

also, as soon as I got home the 2nd time, I get a call from my mid-western soon-to-be divorced friend who tells me she came back to LA a couple days early in anticipation of us getting together a couple times.

well, who can argue with that kind of logic?

so here I sit all ready for my sunday nite date,

will be leaving here in about 15min and meeting her at a restaurant we visited last time she was in town.

and yes, my daughter is happy her dad has date.

good nite, hope you all had a fantastic weekend... 

10 Oct 2011

good morning all.

it's barely 4am, and I just literally walked in the door.

and yes, I had a very nice date, thank-you very much.

(see LB, I 'do not' kiss and tell)

my daughter is sleeping in my bed at this very moment, probably the most precious thing I've ever seen.

she is all curled up with my body pillows, and all the dogs are in there with her. no idea where the cats are though.

I'm currently downstairs in the main kitchen,

and it's freaking cold this morning; 46'.

if it wasn't for the fact that I am enjoying the quietness of the house right now, I would start a fire in the fireplace to get some heat flowing. but the noise of getting the wood,

me cursing at not being able to ignite the flame within a dozen or so attempts, and finally the loud pops and crackle of the flames; would all make enough noise to

wake everyone up. so I am wearing sweat pants, a ucla xxxl sweat shirt and some booties Ash' grandma knitted for me.

I really need a shower, but will wait until Ash has hers first. speaking of my daughter (of course),

I was informed at the football game saturday night by one of her cheer squad girlfriends that my daughter has been asked by '4' different boys (1 soph, 1jr, 2 sr's) to go to the homecoming dance at the end of this month.

why she had her friend tell me this I have no idea, but this will be a topic for discussion after school today.

I'm thinking something like this:

me: "so sweetheart, I heard thru one of my super-secret contacts that you have been asked by over 100 guys to attend the homecoming soiree later this month.

are you thinking of making an appearance?"

ya, that'll get the ball rolling.

I myself never attended any formals in high school,

it wasn't my thing back then.

but I know it's different for a girl,

so I guess it's all about the dress, right?

I may need a little help with this situation.

and I'm thinking whoever she decides on going with needs to be properly intro'd to me 'before' the night of the event.

the thought of my little girl being touched by a little horny teenager shit-head makes my stomach sour and

my blood pressure rise.

hmmm. maybe I'll chaperone; I've been asked to get more involved in the school functions.

that also is a thought for discussion.

oops, I'm no longer alone; grandpa jack is now up and about. gotta go. talk later guys.


good evening.

I will try to finish this update without falling asleep;

I've been up since 7am sunday morn (38hrs+);

I tried going to sleep this morning after I took Ash to school and doing my chores, but I just couldn't relax.

so I got up, did some phone calls, showered again and then met my 'friend' for a lunch date.

(again, no kiss and tell)

after 'lunch', I picked my daughter up from school and we proceeded to have a lengthy chat about her choice of clothing for the tail-gater/ucla football game.

this is actually the very 1st time we have 'kinda'

disagreed on something.

she told me she was more embarrassed by my actions/words in front of her friends, than she was upset about me telling her the clothing was inappropriate for her to be wearing. without really getting into what her and her friends were wearing (a very short skort, halter top, combat boots),

I was just in shock to see my 15 1/2yr old daughter

dressed like that.

we continued more of our father/daughter talk during dinner at the olive garden tonite,

and we both came away feeling good about each other.

a 'virtual world' (I've never, ever used this term before) friend that I had 'talked' (IM) with earlier, told me that she and her parents had the same problems while she was growing-up, which wasn't all that long ago.

she suggested that we both look at some current magazines and point out the styles we both like. what a fantastic idea.

so I immediately went to the store and came home

with 16 magazines;

vogue, teen vogue, cosmo, people, glamour, elle, etc.

and I have to admit, that it appears that the style of apparel she and her friends were sporting was not that far off

as what the current 'fad' is.

I still think the skirt was too short,

and the tops to brief.

but there has to be a medium somewhere.

I refuse to be the old fashioned dad.

besides, all her friends love me and they like coming over here; and I would rather have them all here anyway. so, while Ash, her grandparents and I were looking at all these fashion statements, I came up with a grand idea; have her girlfriends spend the night friday, we all have chinese take-out and look at the mags together, and then saturday we all go clothes shopping.

Ash loved the idea, her friends loved the idea, so... it's on. not really sure what I've got myself 'into', but whatever.

I also received a call this evening from a prior business associate in the bay area, and it looks as if I may be doing an over-nighter in san fran to discuss a new business opportunity. too bad the sfgiants aren't still playing.

ok, enough, I'm beyond exhasted. the sleep-pills I took over an hour ago have started to do their job. good nite all.  

11 Oct 2011

life sometimes, is complicated.

something you would like to do; but think better of it. somewhere you would like to visit, but always put off.

and someone who you would very much like to meet,

but feel as if it may never happen.

there are many things I have yet done that I would

like to do someday.

a variety of places I would like to visit (or re-visit)

that need to be seen.

and now there is someone who has excited my intellectual being as though it has never been touched before.

I can not explain the thought process of this.

I am normally a very rational thinking man who does not let his imagination run wild;

nor do I confuse 'fantasy' with 'reality'.

but this is different.

why do I think of someone whose name I still don't know? why have I shared certain aspects of my life with her that I have kept from the pages you have already read?

and what the hell am I thinking?

maybe, this is my mid-life crisis.

maybe I am really just an insane mother-fucker.

maybe I'm looking into something that doesn't really exsist. I just found out that she has been on this site,

I never thought she would ever come here as her life is a busy and constantly in-demand affair.

*if 'you' are reading this now, all these thoughts of you are complimentary; just smile.

I have no-one to talk to of these thoughts/feelings that

I am currently experiencing;

the curse of being a loner by life's little twists and turns.

I have to go get my kid and her friends from school now. thanks for listening to my obtrusive rant...


hey. I appreciate the response in the last 5-6 hours from alot of you volunteering your ear for me to bend if I ever 'need/want' to vent and express myself.

thanks guys, but sometimes it really does help to

just 'write it out';

and to answer some of your questions about the woman mentioned above; no chance for a relationship.

facts concerning this reply are too personal to list,

not that I would even want to.

but a friendship with her would indeed be wonderful.

ok, enough about that. so my flight leaves LAX fairly early, and I will be in the bay area around 9am.

my presentation is not until 2pm, which leaves me 5 hours to check-in to my hotel

(walking distance to fisherman's wharf),

and to lunch at the wharf;

my favorite spot is alioto's restaurant,

but anywhere on the wharf would be great.

the weather for the next couple days in san fran is suppose to be mid 70's and clear. perfect temps to play tourist.

I still have some fam-units in the bay,

but the cousins and I don't really stay in touch,

(besides sports ticket sharing)

plus they have their own families and I'm sure I would just be interfearing with their daily schedules.

no worries though.

I am so comfortable and enjoy doing things by myself.

I'll probably be done and clear with my

proposal within 2 hours,

so I'm thinking of just watching the sunset against the pacific ocean, and then take-in the night life in either

china town or the mission district.

my flight on thursday back to LAX isn't until mid-afternoon, so I'm thinking of doing a golden gate bay tour on the red & white boats. I've done this tour many times, it's very cool.

if you are ever in the bay area,

I strongly recommend this attraction.

too bad there are not any sporting events to attend in the bay this next weekend. I already have my ucla basketball tix for 12/29: stanford and 12/31: cal.

I predict death and destruction on those dates,

oh the games will be a romp also.

will be back up there for the 49ers-giants game on nov 13. hopefully the 9ers will continue their winning ways.

alright I've rambled on meaninglessly now long enough,

its nearly 7:30pm and I promised Ash I'd watch a couple tv shows with her before I go to bed.

if I have time, I'll 'check-in' before I depart in the morning. good night all.

12 Oct 2011

good 'early' morn. my plan last night of going to sleep early didn't quite pan out as I had anticipated.

while my daughter and I were watching showbiz tonight,

I made the mistake of answering an 'unknown caller' on my cell phone, (which I never do) and it just happened to be my 'friend' who is in town visiting. so loooong story short:

I tuck my daughter in bed at 9:30p,

go 'visit' my friend, boom; 4 hours sleep.

I am such a fool sometimes.

so here it is, 4:40am, and I am eating the coffee grounds

to stay alert. (not really sara)

thank goodness, I'm taking a car to the airport,

I would not make it. I'll try to catch a nap on the plane,

and then at the hotel. oh, well. nothing is ever set in stone. awww, my daughter set her alarm and is currently standing behind me correcting my mistakes as I pound the keys.

what a sweetheart to see me off.

or maybe she has a wild party planned while I'm away.

"do you?" she said stop it daddy.

phone just vibrated, my ride is 5 minutes out.

I'll check in later, wish me luck all;

I'd love to get this contract.


well, I am in san fran.

I was expecting the weather to be exceptionally beautiful here today; but as of now, extremely overcast and and abit of a nip in the air.

the concierge told me downstairs that the clouds should 'burn-off' within the hour. so, we'll see.

the hotel staff here is a little stuffy to say the least.

I had requested an early check-in, but considering the fact that I did 'not' handle the reservations myself

(my travel expense is being comped by the company I am

talking with today), it was starting to get a little uncomfortable for all involved. after a few calls were made, presto, I'm in my room. and upgraded to a bigger suite for my troubles. no big deal, I don't think I will be in the room much while I'm here. but the asst. manager insisted, so be it.

6 hours ago, all I wanted to do was go back to bed,

but now... not!

I only have my clothing bag, so no unpacking is necessary, just hung it up. so, I'm going to take a shower, freshen up, and walk down to the wharf for lunch. my presentation is not until 2p, so I have 3 hours of 'play-time';

I'll behave myself til tonite, but then... it's on!!!

all expense paid trip to sf; where's the hooker stand hiding these days? (just kidding, of course...)

hmmm, how the hell do you work this cappuccino machine? ya, that's all I need is more caffeine right now.

I'm going to take a shower, check back with you later.


just as the hotel concierge said it would; the clouds started to 'melt' away just before noon, and now it is a

partly cloudy sky here in the city.

I had lunch at alioto's restaurant,

which is the 2nd floor of alioto's waterside cafe.

I had a cup of their infamous clam chowder

(huge chunks of clams),

and the steamed muscles garlic w/rice pilaf. very tasty.

and yes, I've already brushed/floss/mouth wash.

so here I sit, with certain thoughts going thru my mind on how to 'wow' these 'city boys' into releasing their security/surveillancence contracts to an overseas company to which I am now a glorified consultant for.

*yes, the same one that purchased my business/proposals over 4 years ago.

ok. I'm currently 'talking' with someone, gotta go.


*have you ever just wanted to look into the eyes of someone you have never met, to see if they are what you believe

them to be? to touch their hair, to feel the mosture of their breath? to watch them simply be themselves.

to wonder how they must smell after a shower?,

the sound of their voice when they say 'hello'?

or just the way they look back at you?

ya, it's thoughts such as these that make my day special.

and if you're reading this... thank-you.


the presentation was a complete success as far as I'm concerned. even though I love the san francisco bay area, this all could have been completed through a conf-call/video chat, or even an exchange of emails.

not my dime on the hook though.

the sfmta (san francisco municipal transportation agency)

has been tasked by the california legislature to install operator security surveillance devices on all

their trains/buses.

the bart (bay area rapid transit) has also been slated to install equipment to 'babysit' their employees to discourage the use of cellular devices.

the meeting today was not with either of these organizations; but with a private contractor who is searching for the cheapest/best value on security cams, monitors, disablers

and other hardware.

knowing the budget the state set forth concerning this entire upgrade/or instalation of equipment; and the amount this contractor was 'trying' to spend, left a huge profit margin for a third party to come in and underbid the other contractor willing to take a risk with an outside company with known superior product. boom: that's me!

a state funded operation, or federal government grant is always easy to score,

as these two power houses are always willing to listen to an outside source that can be verified to save as much

as .35 on the dollar.

and when your talking in the upward scale of $7million+ to be spent on an already exsisting procedure/program that has a state law already enforcing the usage of communication devices of all drivers; well... needless to say you are going to have more than just a couple organizations making a play for that kind of profit margin. so, time will tell.

ok, work boredom complete. I really wish I could talk more about this woman I have been communicating with lately,

as thoughts of her are consuming my soul.

but there are trust issues, bounderies, and the lack of

'actual contact' that is holding me back.

it's like falling for a rock star/super hero you know you will never meet, but hope one day 'she' rescues you from your innocence, and takes you into her galaxy where she is the worshiped-one and doesn't bring you back to earth, ever.

13 Oct 2011/12:15am

well, tonite is one for the books.

it's just past midnite, and I had to take a shower as soon as I walked in the room as I smelled like a cigar smoking

french whore monkey.

not sure how much I am going to type tonite;

I'm pretty drunk, really tired, and if 'anything' female walked in my suite right now I'd have to mate with it...

ok, so before I begin my offerings of my somewhat exciting evening of entertainment here in the bay,

I need to make a formal appology.

apparently, the young lady I have recently been referring to these last couple of days as a rather unattainable fantasy girl I have yet to meet, was somewhat embarrassed this evening when her girlfriends discovered what I had written here knowing it was 'her' I was speaking of.

my intention was never to embarrass this woman,

only to express my inner-thoughts of what I was feeling during our chat sessions.

the sessions were never sexual in nature,

maybe some harmless flirts;

but what enticed me above all else was her demeanor,

her beliefs and the way she totally 'gets me'.

yes, she is 20yrs my jr. and still in the 'outgoing' phase of her life; but her values, street smarts and overall characteristics are superior to anyone

I have ever formally met.

I am sorry for any stress and/or uneasiness I may have caused you this evening.

these pages are simply a way for me to express myself and to let all of you know what I feel, need and want in my life.

but making someone feel uncomfortable was never an intention of mine.

I will forever be in your debt as your friend.

with this being said, I will go to sleep now.

and finish my 'nite-out' story in the morning.

good nite my friends.


good morning.

well, apparently I over-thought the 'embarrassement' comment made by the young lady in question (above entry); so I don't claim to be a mind-reader, nor do I ever pry into others affairs. I was just being myself, and expressing my humble feelings at that exact moment.

now, I have stated before in this forum that I will never retract a statement, feeling, thought, rant, or my complete stupidity. so, even though an appology wasn't really necessary, I shall leave the thought to show my ever presence of mind, or lack of. what-ever works.

alright, so let me begin to highlite my night here in

'the city by the bay'. it began normal enough with my driver coming back to pick me up at 6:30p from the hotel.

from here I went and picked-up some chinese, as I was extremely famished and wanted to put something in my stomach before the grains of alcohol hit it. during my feast in the back of the town car (I don't rate a limo, just a peon), we just drove around the city for a bit, crossing the golden gate twice back and forth. all the while,

listening to leon/driver tell me of what is hot in the city,

and what is not. it has been a long, LONG time since I wondered thru the streets of san francisco as a single.

and really have absolutely no idea where anything

is any longer. I was here last year a couple times for the sfgiants world series, but not as a foot soldier.

ok, so after gulping down alot of weeds (bambo shoots) and an assortment of spicy chicken, beef, pork; driving endlessly looking at the sites, and listening to leon's rambling of

'you need to go here mr.kiss',

I decided that it was time to start my exploration of the city on my own. we came upon a signal, so I exited the vehicle. leon was surprised I was getting out and stated this was not my type of neighborhood, it looked good to me; bustling traffic, tons of people, shops, bars, ect. so I gave him his tip, said I would catch a cab later, and sent him on his way.

I really had no clue where I was, the streets were

lit-up like the ginza district of downtown tokyo

(that should have been a warning)

so, I was walking around, looking at the street urchins,

the vamps, and all the surrounding area's when I walk up on some serious disco music blaring outside from

an open door. as I got closer, the huge beast of a man standing in the entrance way flashed a perfect smile and made a gesture to have me walk inside.

I said 'may I' and he instantly answered 'absolutely'.

as I entered the doorway, there was a couple of guys standing rather close to one another talking,

I made my way around them and started walking towards the bar on the left (no cover?), I wasn't 10 feet inside when this skinny young man walked up beside me and

asked me if I would like to dance.

the look on my face must have been priceless,

because he looked really uncomfortable after

he asked me to 'shake-it'.

I honestly can not remember what I

replied at that precise moment,

and for the life-of-me,

my damn legs couldn't or wouldn't move,

nor could I control the instantanious sweat that

had begun to pour from my entire body.

I felt as if I was in my suana.

what seemed like an eternity was merely 3-5 seconds

(longest fukin 3-5 seconds of my life),

and all I could do was point toward the bar and I

believe I uttered 'beer'. as I shuffled my feet in the direction of what was indeed the bar, I had a strange sensation that all 100,000 people who were in this place were staring in my direction. my ass was on fire. I get to the bar, the drink-master (his name was todd) smiled at me waiting for me to order, I again utter 'beer', he look confused and asked 'which'? or maybe he said 'what kind'?, shit I can't remember. all I know is he put a bottle in front of me and I drank the entire contents in one mighty swig.

as I stood there now, empty-handed, my back to the entire establishment, I calmly (ya, I said calmly bitches)

plotted my next move.

shit. I had nothing, nothing was coming (bad pun) to mind. as I just stood there, with my back to the' party',

I heard a voice ask 'can I get you another?'

looking in the direction of the bearer of the voice, was a rather robust middle aged man (more middle-aged than I) sitting 3 feet from me on a barstool pointing at my empty bottle, 'can I get you another'? I said 'something' and he motioned todd for another drink. well so-of-a-bitch, this guy just bought me a drink. and I had already picked it up.

no quick swallow this time. I started to regain my composure, and introduced myself as george

(a 'g' name, but not my own),

as he offered his hand for a shake, he said back 'rodney'.

I shake rodney's hand and start to slowly turn myself around to face 'the action'... yep; gay man's bar.

now even though this was a rather lengthy explanation,

this entire scenerio was barely 4-5 minutes (if that).

alright before I continue, let me make a personal staement;

I have absolutely no bias as far as the way people live their lives; man-woman, man-man, woman-woman, man-sheep, whatever floats your boat. I have had a few gay friends,

my 1st cousin on my dad's side of the family is at least

bi-sexual, but I think he is totally gay.

as the seinfeld show once stated;

'not that there is anything wrong with that.'

my feelings exactly.

now I spent almost 90 minutes in that bar;

talking and seated with a group of 10 people,

all fantastic guys. I even met 3 former marines,

one which had been an officer. I had fun, I admit it.

the music was almost as if they had stolen the cd's

outa my house; get down tonite/kc & the sunshine band, boogie fever/the sylvers, beat it/michael jackson,

dancing queen/abba, and of course;

macho man-ymca/kool &the game, etc.

the beer was cold, the music was excellent,

and the company was interesting.

a wide variety of subjects were discussed; politics, sports, current events.. and so on.

no, I did not dance.

even as I was getting shit-faced, I just couldn't do it.

that's not who I am. I was also called 'gay-bait' by a couple of the guys there. that was explained to me as someone who a gay man would like to go out with,

but the 'bait' wouldn't be interested.

I'll take that as a compliment.

so after my last trip to 'the head' I decided it

was time to leave. I was directed to a cab stand, and told the driver; 'I need you to take me to a dance club where

I can dance with a woman who would want to have

sex with a man.' he smiled at me and laffingly said,

ok buddy.

I'm unsure of the clubs name, I was pretty drunk;

but as soon as I paid the cover, got a beer, I walked up to a table of 4 women and said, would anyone here like to dance? I ended up dancing with 3 of the young ladies (23-27yrs), and was even propositioned for a sleep-over.

I graciously denied the offer, but felt so damn good about myself as I got back to my hotel room.

and there you go, my nite in the bay area.

now I am currently at the sfo airport waiting to get back to LA and my daughter, my house, my petz, my bed...

I had another meeting today concerning the business proposal I mentioned yesterday.

I would rather not discuss the minutes or outcome of this meet/greet. but will say, oh yea baby.

so listen, I'm going to finish this up tonite after I get home and intro you to 'my friend'.

so please come back in a couple of hours for what's it worth. my phone just won't stop ringing...


I'm back home, where I belong.

it's still seems abit strange to call this house,

let alone southern california, my home.

after nearly 23 years in nevada (5 reno, 18 las vegas),

it's just different.

so listen, this update will be fairly short as it's getting late and I'm trying to at least get another

page up/started on my site here.

*I was just going to do an 'entry' to introduce you all to my 'new friend', but decided that this woman being the 'individual' that she is, deserves an individual part of my site. there is no hidden meaning here, so some of you female readers don't get your panties in a bunch.

in fact 'my muse' has no idea that I am even doing this,

and I will let her discover it herself.

(or maybe her friends 'may' see this first and tell her)

no worries if she never finds out.

I write this because I have something to say,

not because I expect people to read this and judge me

on my life and/or opinions.

so, 'my muse' page will be a page dedicated to the thoughts, sounds and sometimes ridiculous antics this woman

shares with me.

also her intelligence level is quite superior,

so her advice notes to me will be shared throughout .

there will be a privacy factor involved though,

as she has some serious trust issues and honestly,

I don't blame her.

as far as revealing who she is, where she lives or even anthing remotely personal...not.

as far as my readers will ever know,

she could be a figment of my imagination;

and maybe 'my alter' ego who dresses up at night in red lace sheer panties and dances underneath a hunter's moon foaming at the mouth looking for my next sexual encounter. you'll never know.

in other news; my daughter and her grandparents surprised me at LAX when I approached the concierge desk to inquire about my car home. that was the best surprise yet.

I love, LOVE this little girl so much. she is the sole reason I will become a better person, and be the best dad I can be. so we hit a mcd's drive thru for dinner on the way home.

Ash is into the monolopy game this season; she swears she is going to win a million dollars. good luck babe.

we get home to the screaming/barking peeing (beverly) dogs, and just sit around visiting for the next hour.

then my daughter takes me into the garage where we still have boxes stored for unpacking, and she hands me a picture of my marine corps billboard.

yes, I was a poster boy marine in 1983/84.

billboards throughout the southwest, california had my mug on them with the 'the few, the proud, the marines'.

she loved it.

she wants to get a poster of the picture and

put it in her room. she also wants me to put it on this site,

ya maybe. I'm not that vain any longer,

or do I usually tell anyone.

I'm just funny about that particular part of my life.

alrighty then, I'm done. pretty busy day tomorrow,

looking into some possible investments during the day,

and then tomorrow night is our 'sleep-over' party with Ashley's 5 gf's that continues through saturday with shopping and other surprises.

*'my muse' page is now up & running, go look.

(has been temporarily removed for structure)

14 Oct 2011

good morning all.

this entry will be very brief,

I had a friend who needed to have a pow-wow and have a 'truth-enima' shoved up their ass!

everything is good now though.

alright, busy, busy day. I am going to be leaving here momentarily w/Ash and p/u her gf's and let them enjoy the 'kiss-shuttle' to school.

I never knew when I bought my lexus that the stereo system would be pushed to the capacity of it's limit.

the other day, lady gaga was screaming in my vehicle as loud as I have ever heard, and it looked like american bandstand in the back of the suv. what choice of music will I be in for this morning, only the girls know for sure.

I'm just the shuttle master, driver of the rig.

ok, so I will be back on here after my busy day.

will most likely start a 'new' page to share,

this current one is loading slowly due to it's length.

one more thing; I see you all (or at least some of you)

have started reading 'my muse' page. a 'huge' amount of views in the last 9 hours. HUGE! I will try to have it back in play by this evening, having issues with some content is all... alrighty then,

I'm so running behind because of the enima thing this morn. *sometimes you just have to bend somebody over the back of the couch and insert your 'truth-rod' up their ass to let them know you are exactly what they need, a true friend!

I'm outa here! peace my brothers & sisters!!!


I was not planning on updating until tomorrow or even sunday, but I have somethings to say so please go to:

'my thoughts12.1...


g. a. kiss