LAST UPDATED: 11 Aug 2013/11am
*I apologize for not updating the past few times
I said I was going to,
my 'interests' in this site have
diminished tremendously since I've been on my meds.
but I will try to 'keep it up'. (pun intended)...
**also, I really want to say thank-you to everyone that has sent me a card, e-card, email, text, voicemail, tweet,
or direct message.
seriously. from the depth of my darkened soul,
thank-you for all your kind words.
I won't lie, some made me cry.
*yes. my emotions are all wacked-out beyond belief.
I watched the movie 'forrest gump/1994' the other night,
and sobbed like a baby!
01 August 2013/11pm
so anyway. it's been a crazy last few days.
I have never/ever in my life felt like the way I have been feeling since coming home.
I don't know if I can even describe
my emotions to you guys,
without sounding like a complete fucking loon.
everything is starting to 'hit me at once now';
the accident, my injuries, my responsibilities,
my insecurities, my fears, and so on.
I'm feeling a little better now that I have 'a new pill' for
my 'unmentionable crazy-ass thoughts'.
before this accident,
the only broken bones I had ever experienced was
my left hand pinky being dislocated during my
junior year of high school,
and my fifth/fourth digits on my left foot in
the weight room ten years ago.
which brings me to something I've been
thinking about lately;
(actually. my dumb-ass has been thinking too damn much)
the 'left side' of my body has been my 'weak-link'.
august 3, 1980
a deep gash to my left shin and sprained left shoulder;
caused by rolling/flipping in a vehicle 4 times that was being driven by a date of mine.
february 18, 1981
dislocated left pinky (which healed crooked);
caused by an errant basketball pass during PE class. *arlington, wa
june 30 1984
severely sprang left wrist;
caused by diving for a volleyball during
marine corps competition.
december 19, 1991
ruptured left achilles' tendon;
caused by slipping on the outside icy stairs to the
studio complex where I lived.
(during my kissmas party)
october 1, 1998
dislocated left shoulder;
caused by being swept-off my feet by
my over-zealous 175pd alaskan malamute and falling backwards hard onto the stairs,
as I was running downstairs to answer the door.
*las vegas, nv
april 5, 2002
broken little toe, and it's neighbor on my left foot.
caused by my stupidity in the weight room.
*this damn injury aches every time the weather changes.
*las vegas, nv
july 16, 2013
broken left leg, two broken fingers on left hand,
extremely jammed left shoulder,
lacerations left side of face;
caused by an accident w/a motorcycle.
*los angeles, ca
so. needless to say,
my 'evil twin' who plays
professional football 'somewhere' never gets hurt.
but I do. the fucking 'lucky' bastard.
my days/nights are all screwed-up,
(thank-you pain medications)
I sleep most of the day away
(even while watching tv downstairs in my chair),
and then when I try to go to sleep around midnight,
my thoughts are firing right and left with
insane tidbits of information.
whatever. I guess this is the 'shit' everyone goes thru.
according to a 'nurse' friend I have,
she says recovery is hard for 'almost' everyone who experiences a traumatic event in their life.
the hardest thing for me while going through this,
is having 'everyone' wanting to do 'everything' for me.
and I'm not really into that.
*not that I complained much when the mexi-godfather
and his crew re-tiled my roof,
or when he and grandpa Jack constructed the barn/paddock area
basically on their own.
but when you have to 'ask' someone to go to the store
for you to get groceries because you really
want to cook dinner.
I'm not that much of an invalid,
at least I don't think I am.
and truth be told,
with my left hand still immobile/healing,
it's almost impossible for me to maneuver
these fukin' crutches.
so with that being said,
I really do owe 'everyone' around me here
a huge 'thank-you'.
and as far as Ash & Elli are concerned,
these girls have been 'beyond' incredible.
not sure what I would do without them,
or grandpa Jack.
and l.g. & Jessica have enough going on
with themselves these days to worry about me.
speaking of which;
grandma palacios birthday was this past week-end,
but we will be celebrating it this saturday in west covina. along with a 'double baby shower'.
so listen. I cooked dinner last night.
the girls helped me out with 'the prep work',
and I did as much as I could.
(but the girls were right there to assist the entire time)
spicy sausage w/peppers
potatoes u gratin
chocolate cake w/orange creamsicle frosting
*and yes, even though I'm taking pain meds,
antidepressants, and entire shelf's worth of vitamins,
(and a few of you will 'counsel me' on this)
I did have a 'couple' glasses of lambrusco w/dinner,
and moutha-fucka, IT WAS GOOD!!!
ok then. I have alot to 'not' do tomorrow;
petco, costco, groceries, mailbox, therapist,
and a few other non-essential things that
are on the list.
needless to say since I can't drive myself,
I will be 'shuttled around' and assisted ALL day
by two beautiful young teeny-boppers.
and then tomorrow night,
the three of us will 'attempt' a 'daddy date night'.
that could be interesting.
I'll make a huge effort to update tomorrow night,
and/or saturday morning before leaving for west covina. hope you all have a awesome friday.
02 August 2013/11pm
good evening everyone.
after days of sleeping all day,
and being awake all night,
I think I may be back on my way to some normalcy.
although I only slept 'maybe' 2-3hrs last night,
I forced myself out of bed at 7am and have been up since.
and believe you me,
'staying awake' was not an easy task.
and even though I'm not suppose
to drink 'alot' of caffeine,
I did have a 'few' cups of coffee today to assist
hey. it was one day.
who's going to know?
ok then. had a fairly busy day with errands and such,
which we did not complete as many as I had hoped.
did get the important things taken care of;
petco for the animals,
costco for birthday/baby shower gifts,
and then ended my afternoon w/my therapist.
I'm not that great at being driven around,
and sitting in the back seat makes it even more uncomfortable for me.
physically AND psychologically.
I like to be in charge in everything I do.
but Ash did a great job driving,
and her copilot Elli was very helpful in assisting me
with all I had to do.
so after our journey throughout,
it was time for 'Daddy Date Night'.
the abbreviated version.
dinner was arby's,
those beef 'n cheddars were fukin awesome.
and then we saw the movie,
'2 guns/2013' w/Mark Wahlberg & Denzel Washington.
I highly recommend this flick, 8/10 stars.
the plot is a 'little lose',
but the antics and line deliveries were pretty funny.
and the 'movie theatre buttered popcorn'
was of course, perfect.
we actually got home 30min ago at 10:30p,
fairly early for 'a date night'.
and was glad I wasn't driving,
as I was starting to fall asleep just as I am now.
so anyway. that's about all I have to say tonight.
*unless you guys wanna hear about all the
weird ass dreams I've been having lately.
Holy Batman Shit,
they have been crazy man. crazy!!!
I'm even dreaming about people I've never met.
ugh. haven't had dreams such as these since I was a teenager.
ok then. I'm going to update august.2013
and the history page too.
hey ms east coast, read 'history today' baby,
you'll get a chuckle.
good night everyone.
and sweet 'dreams' beautiful...
09 August 2013/11pm
just got back about an hour ago from being
'dragged out of the house' by the girls
for dinner & a movie.
apparently. I was 'in dire need' of
an attitude adjustment.
or so I was told.
I will say this though;
having a double chicken w/fettuccini alfredo hit the spot.
as did an entire bowl of olive garden salad,
and a few breadsticks.
needless to say. I hardly ate a handful of
my 'bucket of corn'.
but I did bring it home with me.
and I'm starring at it this very moment.
I'm thinking I may be having a 'late night popcorn snack'
in a few hours.
*so. that's what this page has come to?,
me talking about my 'uneaten' bucket of movie popcorn.
that's some boring shit!!!
ok then. so I've been having a rough time with all this crap going on. but I have to say that it isn't exactly my fault.
ya, I agree I have been somewhat a pain in the ass
(hence; my desire to stay away from everyone).
but as I found out today,
it may not have been 'entirely' my fault.
some of the meds I had been prescribed did
not 'play well together'.
and with the added chemical of the
testosterone supplement added into the mix,
I was a time-bomb just waiting to implode.
*I never/ever yelled at anyone,
I just couldn't understand why I was always feeling on edge.
and why my sleep patterns had drastically changed.
not to mention my appetite, or lack of.
in fact today was the first day in over a week I even felt like eating. anything at all.
anyway. I'm currently in the process
of flushing-out my system,
and am trying to take the very minimum
of pain killers for the next 3 days,
so I can 'safely' begin a new regime
with my 'new scripts' on tuesday.
I seriously was so 'fucked-up' the other night,
I was ready to cut-off all my hair and then 'buzz-it'
cause I was convinced that tiny aliens were
living atop my head.
if it wasn't for Jessica
(who currently has her own physical/mental
strains to deal with),
sitting down on the bed with me and looking thru my hair/scalp and talking with me in
her soothing beautiful voice,
I'd be totally bald right now.
as I was also going to shave my head.
not that there is anything with the 'kojak look',
I just don't want that particular 'look' right now.
the actual pain with my injuries are no longer that severe (unless I tweak something),
but the inner-ache is unbelievable sometimes.
I was so 'out-of-it' last week,
I totally spaced-out that I had pre-purchased
dodgers-yankees tickets for last week.
and it wasn't until I was looking over a visa bill that
I saw the charge and remembered.
so, I ate those tickets.
that was an expensive/unfortunate misstep on my part.
had Jess been 'her regular self'
and under normal circumstances,
she would have reminded me or even taken the initiative
to remedy that particular situation.
I just reread this entry,
talk about worthless and boring drivel.
anyway. my plans for this coming weekend;
NOTHING. seriously. not a damn thing.
I'm so sorry you guys.
I really do have alot more I could share with you,
or at least 'let you in' a little bit more than what I am.
I just don't feel like it right now.
I have nothing to brag about,
no conquests to enlighten you with,
or even any amusing stories to share.
honestly. I'm just not that happy right now.
ok. I'm going to update a few other pages before I publish. I'll be back again in a few days.
*oh. please don't send any more perishables,
I just throw them away.
sorry. but I don't know any of you...
11 August 2013/1am
hello. and good morning.
I thought I would at least say hi since I just
updated my august.2013, history,
and my kiss vidz pages.
it's nearing 1am,
and my sleep-pill is just about ready to take 'full effect',
but I thought I'd at least 'write something'.
today was the 'first day' that I didn't feel like
chewing off my own 'nut-sack' today.
I actually felt alot calmer.
in fact, maybe almost 'too calm'.
I'll take 'calmer' over my schizoid behavior
these past few weeks.
oh. and another thing.
I think I'm ready for 'a quickie' also.
*just have to find a willing participant first.
and preferably one that doesn't already have
if you get my meaning.
I'll tell ya guys something,
I swear to goodness that I'm feeling
a little 'high' right now.
it kinda feels like I shouldn't care about
anything at all.
and you know what else,
I think I like it. in fact, I know I really like it.
funny. about 2 day hours ago I was ready to just
say 'fuck this shit' as hard as I could.
now. though. I'm good.
I'ma really starting to get a wee-bit tired now.
so I'll continue my little entry things in the morning whenever I decide to get out of bed.
going to bed now.
I good night everyone else.
and your beautiful to have sweet dreams.
thank you all. peace.
ha. just re-read my last entry.
and. why I posted this 'pic' as my header
who the fuck are these guys?
instead of my normal one,
I have no fukin idea!
I will say this though, I slept wonderfully last night.
didn't even wake-up the first time til 8am. nice!!!
anyway. I feel like doing something today. anything!
but I was cautioned that I would 'feel this way' once
my new meds started to take effect,
and that I should still take it easy.
so maybe I'll just send the girls to the grocery,
and then cook something awesome tonight for dinner.
my first thought is;
stuffed Cornish game hens, dirty rice,
and broccoli & cauliflower.
and who knows,
maybe some rice krispy bars w/m&m's.
my coconut creamer is spoiled.
I gotta go.
I'll be back though.
you guys have absolutely no idea how great I feel today.
the best I have felt since the accident.
to be continued...