COMPLETED: 22 Sep 2013

the following are 'quotes' from some of my favorite television shows/movies/specials/award shows...

(or whatever.)

...g.a. kiss

Christopher Lloyd/Dr. Emmett Brown:

"Roads?... Where we're going we don't need... Roads!"

Jackie Gleason/Sheriff Buford T. Justice:

"What we're dealing with here,

is a complete lack of respect for the law."

Jason Mewes/Jack:

"Holy shit; you ate my ex-girlfriend!

I don't know whether to call the police, or buy you flowers."

Erica Cox/Danika:

"You don't know what it's like.

It's like I want to fuck you and eat you at the same time."

Clint Eastwood/Sergeant Thomas Highway:

"If I was half as ugly as you Sergeant Major,

I'd be the poster-boy for a prophylactic."

John Belushi/'Joliet' Jake Blues:

"Look at you, in those candy-ass monkey suits.

And I thought I had it bad in Joliet."

"How much for the little girl? how much for the women?

Your women, I want to buy your women.

The little girl, your daughters... sell them to me.

Sell me your children"

Dan Aykroyd/Elwood Blues:

"We're on a mission from God"

"The light was yellow, sir."

"Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail me now."

Curtis Armstrong/Miles:

"Say what the fuck... If you can't say it, you can't do it."

Will Ferrell/Brennan Huff:

"I have a belly full of white dog crap in me,

and now you lay this shit on me?"

"I swear I'm so pissed-off at my mom;

as soon as she's of age, I'm putting her in a home."

"Holy Santa Clause shit" 

John C. Reilly/Dale Doback:

"The only reason your living here is because me and my dad decided your

mom was really hot, and maybe we both should just bang her,

and we'll put up with the retard in the meantime."

"Dad what are you doing?, it's Shark Week."

"Ok, here's the shot outa the cannon;

Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife.

You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one. Go!"

Judy Garland/Dorothy:

"What would you do with a brain if you had one?"

Ray Bolger/Scarecrow:

"I've got a way to get us in there, and your going to lead us."

Frank Morgan/Wizard of Oz:

"A heart is not judged by how much you love,

but by how much you are loved by others"

Steven Reevis/Shep Proudfoot:

"Fucking little weasel!

Fuck you! You fucking mother-fucker son-of-a-bitch!

Fucking cock! Jesus Christ!

You fucking shitbag mother-fucker!"

Samuel L. Jackson/Jules Winnfield:

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities

of the selfish and tyranny of evil men.

Blessed is he who,

in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak

through the valley of darkness,

for he is truely his brothers keeper and the finder of lost children.

And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger

those who would attempt to poison and destroy My brothers.

And you will know My name is the Lord,

when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

"Shut the fuck up Fat Man!"

John Travolta/Vincent Vega:

"Why the fuck didn't you tell us someone was in the bathroom?

Slipped your mind?

Did you forget that somebody was in there with a goddamn hand cannon?"

"Goddamn it's pretty fucking good milkshake.

I don't know if it's worth five dollars, but it's pretty fucking good."

"Bitch, be cool."

Bruce Willis/Butch Coolidge:

"You feel that sting big boy, huh?

That's pride fuckin' with you! You gotta fight through that shit."

Ving Rhames/Marsellus Wallace:

"You see, this business is filled to the brim with unrealistic mother-fuckers.

Mother-fuckers who thought their ass would age like wine.

If you mean it turns to vinegar, it does. If you mean it gets bettter with age, it don't."

Uma Thurman/Mia Wallace:

"I do believe Marsellus Wallace, my husband, your boss,

told you to take 'me' out and do whatever I wanted.

Now I wanna dance, I wanna win. I want that trophy,

so dance good."

Harvey Keitel/Winston 'the Wolf' Wolfe:

"That's thirty minutes away, I'll be there in ten."

Quentin Tarantino/Jimmie Dimmick:

"I'm going to get fuckin' divorced.

No marriage counseling, no trial seperation, I'm going to get fuckin' divorced."

Angela Jones/Esmeralda Villalobos:

"So what does it feel like to kill a man with your bare hands?

It's a topic I'm very interested in." 

Brad Pitt/Jerry Welbach:

"Just one more word Sam, and I'll crash this fucking car!"

Julia Roberts/Samantha Barzel:

"I have to ask you a question;

it's a good one, so think about it. If two people love each other,

but they just can't seem to get it together,

when do you get to that point of enough is enough."

Roddy Piper/Nada:

"You; you're ok... this one:, real fuckin' ugly."

"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass...

and I'm all out of bubblegum."

"Brother life's a bitch, and she's back in heat."

"You know, you look like your head fell in the cheese dip back in 1957."

Keith David/Frank:

"The Golden Rule; He who has the gold, makes the rule."

Peter Jason/Gilbert:

"The world needs a wake-up call gentlemen, and we're going to phone it in."

Michael Douglas/Jack Colton:

"What's the matter?, are you paralyzed from the neck down, or are you hurt?" ​

Danny DeVito/Ralph:

"You are the luckiest son-of-a-bitch who has ever walked the face of the Earth,

she's here!

She's right here, she's coming right towards the phone booth.

She's with some guy... how do I know?, she likes guys.

So do you Mighty Kong!"

"Not only are we kidnappers,

but I'm about to have a close encounter with a cattle prod."

Michael Douglas/Jack Colton: 

"Just keep smiling; maybe they'll think we're from National Geographic."

"If we get out of this alive, I'm going to kill you!"

Kathleen Turner/Joan Wilder:

"Don't be ridiculous,

Jack wouldn't die without telling me first."

Danny DeVito/Ralph:

"Look at these guys Colton; no sheep is safe tonight."

"You're all I thought about for six months.

They threw me in a jail filled with rejects from the communicable disease ward.

Every wacko, drippy, open-sored low-life was in that joint,

all of them wanting to hire on as my proctologist."

"Don't cry scumbag, I'll keep you company."

"A hundred bucks?,

I'll give you a one-way ticket to Harp Land!"

Avner Eisenberg/Jewel:

"Are we jogging?"

Robert Downey Jr./Peter Highman:

"How have you made it this far?, How have you not run yourself over in a car?" 

"Let me give you a little bit of friendly advice;

nobody who calls themselves Hollywood,

has ever made it in Hollywood!"

"First of all, I'm sorry that I spat on Sonny,

I have no recollection of that what-so-ever.

Now if your going to travel with me to Los Angeles,

I have a key couple guidelines:

Number one;

if you ask me a single question I am going to flip out on you, so don't do that.

Do you understand?...

Number two;

if you fall asleep for any reason other than the fact you are in a bed and it's night-time, I will disembowel you.

Makes sense?... Great!

Three, if you are allergic to waffles, then don't eat waffles."

Zach Galifianakis/Ethan Tremblay, Ethan Chase, Stu:

"He really enjoyed coffee, and then in the end he was enjoyed as coffee."

"I got ninety friends on facebook; twelve of them are pending,

but I have ninety friends."

"You better check yourself before you wreck yourself."

"I'm more of a corn dog man myself;

I once ate a footlong corn dog on a nude beach,

I'll never do that again.

"Dad, you were like a father to me."

Danny McBride/Lonnie:

"It's closing time, time to roll to Chili's and chow down with my fuckin' boys."

Roy Scheider/Chief Martin Brody:

"You're gonna need a bigger boat." 

Richard Dryfuss/Matt Hooper:

"This was no boat accident" 

Robert Shaw/Sam Quint:

"Here's to swimmin' with bow-legged women."

"Back home we got a taxidermy man.

He gonna have a heart attack when he see what I brung him."

Kevin Kline/Mack:

"This is difficult stuff.

Making a left turn in L.A. is one of the harder things you'll learn in life."

Shaun Baker/Rocstar:

"That's what I thought; no gun no respect... That's why I always got the gun.

Jack Nicholson/Warren Schmidt:

"Relatively soon I will die;

maybe in 20 years, maybe tomorrow... it doesn't matter.

Once I am dead, and everyone who knew me dies too,

it will be as though I had never existed.

What diiference has my life made to anyone?,

none that I can think of, none at all."

Michael J. Fox/Frank Bannister:

"I thought guys like you rotted in Hell."

R. Lee Ermey/Sergeant Hiles:

"What in the hell are you doing in my graveyard?

You have been told to stay away! Sound off like you have a pair!"

"I do not like you! You can not bring your spooks here without my permission! Dissappear, scumbag!"

"Hey; my tour of duty runs another 85 years!

There's a piece of dirt up here with your name on it, Bannister!

I'm waiting for you, you little maggot!" 

Chi McBride/Cyrus:

"You know if I wanted to get shot at everyday,

I'd move my black ass to Los Angeles."

"Ah, the old express train to hell. No lines, no waiting!" 

Jeffrey Combs/Dammers:

"Sheriff! You are violating my territorial bubble."

"My body is a roadmap of pain."

"I'm an asshole... with an uzi!" 

Steve Carell/Phil Foster:

"And will you, for the love of God, put on a fucking shirt!"

Tina Fey/Claire Foster:

"If we are going to pay this much for crab it better sing and dance

and introduce us to the little mermaid."

"Now you get up there and work that pole like a

Russian immigrant."

*page-layout only...

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